blood_victor (blood_victor) wrote in bipolarity777,

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The Exquisite heights of your Unabashed Manias

This community is for those who have stories to share regarding their Manic behaviour in all its glittering, despairing glory. This is a controlled, open forum. This means that anyone can join, anyone can post, but that I am going to be monitoring every contribution in accordance with strict aesthetic standards. I prefer well-written, properly considered essays over gibberish that fails to edify this condition to those without context.

I have had some wild times while technically suffering a major Manic episode with Psychotic features. I have enjoyed everything but the ultimate break with my waking reality. Mostly, I haven't liked running into the brick wall of involuntary/voluntary hospitalization. I haven't liked forcing this thing on my family, and subsequently allowing them to view me through the foggy lens of their prejudices regarding the mentally ill. Still, I know I've seen and felt things they never will. For the most part, my diagnosis has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I can attribute my behaviour to an illness. I can pass off my predilection for Absurdist rants as part of a higher disorder I can hardly control. But, I don't do this. Manic-Depression is not an excuse for being an asshole to people who just happen to be caught in the cross hairs of one's afflicted perceptions.

I don't feel that I can speak openly about this illness because so few have a context by which to include it. I like to equate my soaring moments to Icarus' flight toward the sun and his subsequent descent into the raucous cold of despair. The unwelcome sea offers a perfect metaphor for the inevitable crash. The heights are so intensely felt that the only recourse the body has is to provide an equally intense voyage into the jaws of the abyss. Oh, but the heights once scaled...
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Well, i've certainly gone full tilt for the past two weeks or so and have subsequently experienced life as i have always assumed it ought to be lived. i have no fear, and do not suffer the pangs of doubt that have heretofore been a consistent aspect of my waking consciousness. i've enjoyed a particularly exhilerating run of luck that has finally put me in a position to be the person i always intended to be. i possess a consistent level of energy that has enabled me to work exceedingly hard in order to make this life viable and wholly functional. my life thusfar has been an order of frustration coupled with a deeply rooted fear of being left to die on the dustbin of history.

i now chainsmoke Kools, drink whenever i can, and find my patience with pettiness to be non-existant. i do not suffer fools, i lash out, i refuse to play along, to be nice, to say the right words to get the girl to feel safe in my presence. this disorder expresses itself in such bold, brazen terms that i am left feeling infinitely desirable and worthy of the attention of every sexy creature i encounter. i wanna fuck every pretty face. i don't wanna end up wasting this adventure to more nights of staring at various scantily clad females on my computer. i want the real thing and for the first time in my life, i know i possess the qualities that will make it happen. i want it to happen, for one thing. i want to make every girl i apprehend feel me as intensely as their first period.

i have money, time and an endless supply of inspirational material to keep me focused on the various tasks at hand. yet, i feel the divine spark has given way to the crude material of the loins and chest. i am distracted by the wares of every delectible creature i encounter. i want them all to accept what i have to offer as necessary for their overall well being. i refuse to get caught up in these flirtation games that fizzle whenever i call the woman out on the contradictions in her game.
Patty Duke went to numerous banks and opened many safety deposit boxes all over town and said she put a earing in one a cleanex in the other ect.... when she was manic.

Kay Jamison in her book the unquiet mind (Great book very well written)bought a whole bunch of books from penguin publishers becasue she thought the penguins could form a colony.

I'm not sure where it was...somewhere on the Internet (you know how you find great stuff on the Internet but are hypomanically clicking and go so many places you can't remember how to get back to the good ones because they are all so good and have to be attended to at once)
I found a cite or page like this and there were some great stories. One about a guy who wrote dan brown the author of the da vinci code with a new theory he came up with that was so important... well to make a long story short he wanted to prove his credibility by sending it in a coded riddle. It may have been manic but I think It was on a blog somewhere..It is worth looking for.

We have these expirences we should share them and get to laugh at them instead of feeling ashamed or stupid for acting in the ways that we did.